(DISCLAIMER: It's 3am and I've had 5 drinks tonight)
Just drove myself home (so I'm reasonably sober) from a friend's birthday party. For the 2nd time in 3 days, I had a random woman come up to me, run her hand along my cheek, and shower me with compliments on my physical appearance. For the 2nd time in 3 days, the source of affection was a smoker. For the 2nd time in 3 days, I was relatively unreceptive. In the grand scheme of things, I spent a larger portion of the evening flirting with someone else (the nanny). However, as I drove home, I found myself with a stronger emotional attachment to smokey Our last exchange went something like this:
Her: Ooh they're playing Depeche Mode.
Me: Is it? I guess it is.
Her: We should go dance to Depeche Mode.
Me: I never really got into Depeche Mode.
Her: What is wrong with the guys in this town? ***storms off***
I knew exactly what she was doing (I'm not THAT dense), but I didn't reciprocate. I don't know why. I wanted to stop her from storming off, but for some reason I didn't. More or less immediately afterwards, I caught up with my ex-coworker and the nanny that I had spent half the night flirting with to tell them that I was leaving, enjoyed speaking with them, etc. I looked around for smokey for a couple minutes (probably 45 seconds), before I gave up and went home.
I kept feeling as though I owed her an apology. I feel like she deserved to be told that she was cute, attractive, great, and everything else. The very first thing she said to me while she ran her fingers across my face was that I had great skin and was clearly a non-smoker that couldn't provide the light that she was looking for. I wanted to return the compliment and mention something along the lines of how she's going to ruin her good looks by smoking that crap, but I didn't. I'm still trying to mentally process why I did what I did and why I feel the way that I do. In the grand scheme of things, she deserves props for putting herself out there and making herself vulnerable. If I believe in my no-smoking criteria, why does this matter to me?
Then I was too damn distracted to ask the nanny for her number. I just gave her a hug and said goodbye.
I guess I do suck at this.
