This is Hi-Fi

Any sports fan with a pulse knows that Pat Tillman paid the ultimate price supporting his country this past Spring. I remember being on the verge of tears. Not because he was a fallen soldier, but for everything that he stood for. I'll be honest, I didn't even know who he was until he walked away from his NFL contract.

At the time, I wanted to buy a Cardinals jersey with his #40, but I couldn't find one anywhere. I had almost forgotten about it until I was reading an article about how Jake Plummer, one of his former teammates, wouldn't be allowed to pay tribute to him, because it would be a violation of NFL uniform rules. GRR. Stupid beauracracy. I ended up finding a link to the Pat Tillman Foundation and found out that the NFL is going to end up selling jerseys with proceeds going to the PTF. At least they got that part right.

From the Sun Sentinel:

BACK IN TOWN: Denver S John Lynch will be playing his first game against Tampa Bay today since being released by the Buccaneers in the offseason after 11 years with the franchise. Lynch remembers a game he would play with Buccaneers QB Brad Johnson when both would ride together to games. "If I saw a Brad Johnson jersey, we'd roll down the window and I'd say, Brad Johnson sucks,'" Lynch said. "If he saw a [Lynch] jersey, he'd do the same. We used to get a lot of fingers on the way to the game thinking we were the opposing crowd."

If you thought the spelling bee was interesting, ESPN showed the 2004 National Scrabble Championship. These are actual quotes:

"He decides on murr!"
"look at that rack"
"David is thinking about balancing his rack."

Jay Fiedler got the starting nod on Sunday. Even with Fiedler's 2 interceptions and 2 lost fumbles, the Dolphins only lost by 8. *sigh* Next week they face the Patriots who just tied the record for consecutive wins at 18. Considering that the Dolphins were also the team that prevented the Bears from going undefeated back in 1985, I sense our fortunes turning around next week. I also think we've got a shot at the playoffs to, so I might be institutionalized later this month...

I was listening to KLBJ while driving home from dinner, and some old school Motley Crue came on. I hadn't heard Kickstart My Heart in ages. When I got home, I had to pop in my Decade of Decadence CD. OK, I know I should have the non-compilations, but that was picked up during a dark period of my life where I was just ordering CDs by the truckload from BMG and/or Columbia House.

In any case, who needs Dr. Feelgood, when we've got Saccone's? Mmm. The thing about "real" pizzerias is that they actually give you 6x the toppings when you order 6 toppings. It's not like the Domino's or Pizza Hut method of giving you 1/6 the toppings such that it covers your pizza. Those suckers are layered on there in such a way that there is no way that you can eat a slice without a bunch of your toppings falling off the pizza. Now THAT's real pizza.

Two very interesting posts by Philip Greenspun on Paul Theroux's Dark Star Safari.

"Africans are basically incompetent at anything other than having a good time. They can't drive. They can't prepare a vehicle for a journey properly or change a tire. They can't grow food on a large scale. The smarter Africans sometimes are able to dupe a white person into making something work and then they steal it. "

Post #1

"As portrayed in films and beer commercials, "fun" for the American male is hanging out with friends, drinking beer, and having sex, preferably with a series of different young women. African guys manage to engage in these activities nearly every waking hour by Theroux's account.
...
Partying hard and dropping dead from AIDS at age 40 doesn't sound ideal. But it is really worse than sitting at a desk until age 70 processing insurance forms or programming in C?"

Post #2

Just got back from a wedding in Louisiana. Beautiful wedding on a plantation half-way between Baton Rouge and New Orleans. Accomodations were in the French Quarter. I almost an entire 72 hours straight, being completely trashed. It was kinda fun actually. If you ever go to Bourbon St, do NOT drink the Hurricanes. I swear the "4oz of Hurricane Mix and 4oz of Hurricane Rum" contain things like insecticide and motor oil. You don't want to leave your mark on Bourbon St the same way I did.

More info later...

Ukrainian teen fights the Rise of the Machines™.

Which reminds me that I need to add Skid Row to the list of CDs needed to replace deprecated cassettes.

Those that have regularly been in my presence, know that I've been reading/thinking/talking about the upcoming presidential election a lot. I've went out of my way NOT to talk about it, because I think there are plenty of better places to read about the election than anything I can spout about.

That being said, there is one thing I wanted to bring up. During the 2000 presidential election, a few of my friends pointed me at Project Vote Smart. They are a truly non-partisan non-profit that specifically does not accept financial contributions from lobbyists, governmental organizations, corporations, businesses or special interests. The great thing about this site is that you have access to all of the candidates voting records, political history (what offices were held), etc. So when Bush says he's for defense, or Kerry says he's for putting more money back in the pockets of taxpayers, go look it up and see what they've actually done.

OK, back to your regularly scheduled light-hearted fun...

A friend of mine sent me Sarah McLachlan's latest video World on Fire. The interesting caveat was that he stated: "I am not interested in starting a political discussion around it". Isn't the whole point of the video to provoke thought and discussion?

In any case, this is hardly a new concept. Live-Aid and Band Aid are two more examples of musicians asking us to think about starving children in another country. Just last week, the topic of starving children in Ethiopia came up when one of my-coworkers couldn't finish his meal at lunchtime.

"Feeding starving children of another nation" is just one of a long list of "charitable causes" that I will never support, because feeding them doesn't address the root cause of their hunger.

1) The aid that we send is often intercepted by African warlords.

2) If they did get it, they don't want our fancy bio-engineered food, anyway.

3) Starvation is more a result of poverty, than it is a direct result of insufficient food production.

4) It violates the rules of supply and demand. Quite frankly, feeding people might actually make the problem worse.

In many of these countries, the governments and leaders do quite well for themselves. They aren't feeding their own people. Until regime change happens, via external intervention, revolution, or "other" things will never truly improve.

If we really want to change the world, it helps to look at history, so we don't repeat our mistakes. William Easterly's "The Elusive Quest For Growth" is a fantastic book about how even the best intentions don't always result in success.

I know this is going to be a shock to some of you, but I don't have a 'list'. Its existence has often been assumed, but it was never a reality. Until now! A couple weeks ago, I was out and about with some friends when one of them brought up the topic of 'the list'. After denying its existence, one of my friends jokingly said, "maybe you should make one so you can see how ridiculous you are about that stuff". Never one to back down from a challenge, away we go:

1) Must not be a vegan or vegetarian

OK, I know you're all thinking, "WHAT?!? How can that possibly be item #1?". Anyone that has seen My Big Fat Greek Wedding will probably understand what I'm talking about. My family and culture is extremely food-centric. It's not just sustenance, it's my culture, and my heritage. There is a 0% chance that I would be willing to give up seafood and "white meat", let alone red meat. This audiophile is an omnivore.

2) The speakers have to stay

Audiophile is the master of his own domain. While he concedes that he will one day have his home filled with doilies and potpourri, his babies are here to stay. And now he will stop writing in the 3rd person.

3) Must have a college degree and be of reasonable intelligence

Gotta keep the riffraff out. I can't be with someone that is unable to hold their end of a conversation or makes indefensible points. No restrictions on school, SAT scores, GPA, or other nonsensical criteria. Well. Not officially, anyway.

4) Wants to have kids someday

Must indoctrinate more people into the "Hi-Fi is good" category, and what better way to do it, than brainwashing your own children. Oh, Mom wants grandchildren, too.

5) Must not be fat and have minimum level of required attractiveness

I'm not looking for the next Adriana Lima, Monica Belluci, or Stephanie Seymour. However, I'm not giving anyone a free pass to someone who can't pass on that 4th donut. There are very few overweight women that truly don't care about how they look. Guys don't grow up in a culture that gives them a constant beating in the form of fashion magazine from the time they're kids. Girls do. Most of them end up having some other related insecurities that are just not worth dealing with.

This also has to be someone that you have to wake up to every day for the rest of your life. Anyone that needs a brown paper bag over their head is not gonna fly.

6) Must be single

To some that would be obvious. To others, less so. Divorced is not the same thing as single. There. I said it. I'm sure I'm about to incur the wrath of some of my readership, but I call them as I see them.

The problem is not that I think they're bad people. I don't think being divorced automatically makes someone undesirable. After all, I can think of a couple very desirable divorced women off the top of my head. I just don't think they're for me, for a variety of reasons.

Growing up, I didn't know very many people that were divorced. One of my aunts is the only exception, and that was something that our family NEVER talks about. Over the past 2.5 years or so, I've met a whole bunch of them. Every last one of them has issues with regards to maturity, relationships, the opposite gender, marriage, etc. Some more than others. However, the pattern of severity in those issues is what bothers me most. In general, while they are perfectly likable people, they often exhibit qualities that would make them undesirable relationship material.

Let me give you one example. A friend of mine who is a semi-recent divorcee is one of those people that never admits they are wrong. Ever. She talks about all of the shortcomings of her husband, yet never talks about any missteps along the way. Nobody is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. Those that don't learn from them are destined to repeat them. The way that she handles problems is to run away from them. Literally giving people the silent treatment or simply going out of her way to disappear and become unreachable. This is a seemingly normal, relatively attractive woman in her 30s that still gives her friends the silent treatment. Think about that for a second. How emotionally immature can she be? No wonder she's divorced. No wonder she's no longer married. And she is just one example.

The divorce itself takes its toll on people. Even the strongest of us (I was going to link two of you, but I don't think I should do so without your permission).

So let's assume my entire previous paragraph was a bad example. Given my age and life goals, I would like to have children someday, but not now. Anyone that is approximately my age and divorced falls into one of three categories.

1) Got married WAY too young which implies questionable judgment.
2) Got divorced WAY too recently. Idon't want to be a therapist. I've got better things to do with my time.
3) Too old to satisfy my "children later, but not right now" constraint.

Oh, and for the record I posed the question, "Does being divorced count as being single?" to about 5 different people during the extended wedding weekend festivities earlier this month, and everyone gave me the same answer, "No". So it's not just me. If you're divorced, it's OK. There's nothing wrong with it. You're just stuck with that label until you remarry or get engaged again. Sorry. Life sucks. It's not that bad. Deal.

7) No kids from a previous relationship

Some would argue that I can barely take care of myself. I will neither confirm nor deny those accusations.

8) Must not be a smoker

I don't like to smell like cigarette smoke, and I certainly don't want that taste in my mouth.

9) Must not have a harmful addiction to a foreign substance

No drug dependencies (includes Prozac). While the boundary between alcoholic and drunken hussy is a fine one, it should be fairly obvious to see which side of the line they fall on.

I'm skipping all the obvious ones, such as "must not be a convicted felon". I think that pretty much wraps it up.

Fire away if you so desire, but keep all shots above the belt.

Update (2004/10/27) :
I forgot the following 2 critical points:
10) Must not be religious and/or want to make church be part of raising children.

11) Must want to have kids.

So I got an email a couple days ago from the jailbait that I was hanging out with in New Orleans. She thanked me for help taking care of her and making sure that she made it back to the hotel in one piece. In all seriousness, is there a better environment for a teenager to get blitzed than in the company of older friends and family that are watching out for you at every turn, yet still out of the direct supervision of your parents?

I'm so glad that I don't have a younger sister. I can't imagine how I would react to them growing up and experiencing/experimenting the world. Here's to hoping that when I have kids someday, they will all be boys. At the very least, the oldest should be a boy that will threaten to kick the crap out of the younger sister's suitors.

I mean, when one of my younger cousins went away to college, I snapped and sent her a 10 page email about why she should never go somewhere by herself. Included in this email was all sorts of fun links to statistics on unspeakable atrocities at college campuses, as well as information about the date rape drug, etc. We never did talk about that again, but we are still on speaking terms again.

By the way, check this out, Michigan actually performed the Script Ohio before Ohio State did. HA! They can't even come up with their own band formations!

This is SOOO wrong! My hopes and dreams of a world full of tall, leggy women is being thwarted by crazy Australians!

Well, it's official! I've got a sister-in-law. I got back late Monday night, so I didn't blog right away. I had a great time in California, seeing a whole bunch of my extended family again, as well as meeting a bunch of the bride's family and friends. Everyone was super happy and friendly, which made it all the more fun.

I consider myself to be a mediocre public speaker so I was a little nervous about giving the best man's toast. I had jotted down some thoughts on a piece of paper, but of course I had forgotten it at the hotel, so I had to wing it. I was trying to create a mix of little silly anecdotes, some serious things, and just a touch of heartfelt touchy-feely stuff. I ended up spending so much time worrying about how the first part was going to play out that I ended up forgetting one of my three major bullet points. I'm going to have to see the tape to see if I actually said the rest of it properly, since it was quite a blur. I made a mistake by not chugging my champagne glass and grabbing another to loosen me up a tad. In the end, I think I fared alright, despite having to pause for a second in the middle before I gave up on point #2.

In any case, I got a phone call from the happy couple last night. They've already arrived in Hawaii and are probably munching on some goodies as we speak.

I chastised them for not planning on voting, but they have been fairly preoccupied. They also live in California, so it's extremely unlikely that they will affect the electoral vote.

Thankfully both schools came to their senses and rejected the sponsorship offer from SBC. I don't know who was responsible for the original idea, but there is no way this was going to fly with the Michigan Alumni.

OK, I know I picked the song from another movie, but I saw The Girl Next Door a couple nights ago, and it was great. Highly recommended. Just a little bit of jailbait, and a lot of good ole sappy high school romance with a slight twist of lemon.

Oh, and despite the looks of the website, I do believe it would be enjoyable for the fairer sex. It isn't just Elisha Cuthbert writhing around in tight clothing.

At the brother's bachelor party a couple weeks ago, one of his friends was talking about his marriage and how they work through problems. Sometimes they get into arguments and things don't work as smoothly as one would hope. In recapping a conversation with his wife, he once told her to STFU. He then followed it up with, "What are you going to do? Break up with me?".

That quite possibly might be the funniest thing I've ever heard.

The 97th meeting of Michigan and Michigan State started at 3:30 EDT yesterday. 4.5 hours, 1 onside kick, and 3 overtimes later, the Wolverines came away with a 45-37 victory in The Big House. Scoring 17 points in the last 7 minutes, state superiority was reaffirmed.

In the last 5 minutes of regulation and overtime, Braylon Edwards caught 3 TDs including the tying score in regulation and the game-winning TD in overtime. When the game is on the line, you have to come back to your playmakers.